If you know anything about me, and if you’ve been reading this blog at any length (you damn well better be), you know I’m a “closet” superhero fan.  I don’t wave my geek flag high, though.  No.  That’s not for me.  I’m still a little, shall we say, reserved about my geekdom, I suppose.  I have a rep to protect.  But on the inside?  I’m just a giddy lil fanboy.

Well, that is, I used to be.  As I’ve gotten older, this stuff has meant less and less to me.  Rack it up to “maturity”, I suppose.  Or whatever.  It just doesn’t mean as much to me, anymore (que the waterworks).
Anyways, as the lines are drawn in the comic book world, I’m a DC fan.  Except for Spiderman, Marvel sucks.  I kid, of course.  Marvel doesn’t suck.  That much.  But, yea…they suck.  DC has the best, and the original superheroes.  Marvel has, well, a bunch of slacked jawed yokels standing around in spandex, pontificating (I could’ve went with “masturbating” instead of “pontificating”.  Just saying.)

                                                                                       Only the greatest heroes…EVAR!

This history lesson aside… GREEN LANTERN.  I finally got around to seeing the movie about a month ago.  Yea…that’s bad.  Your friendly neighborhood jman not seeing a DC superhero movie (besides that god awful Batman and Robin movie from the mid 90’s, which I still have not seen) in the theaters is pretty bad.  It’s not that I didn’t want to see GREEN LANTERN.  In fact, I was pretty excited by the trailers and all.  But, in the end, it doesn’t even matter.  One thing, I don’t know why.  It doesn’t even matter how hard you try I guess I just wasn’t motivated enough to see it.  And after watching it on cable, I now know why.
It was a weak movie.  Real weak.
What I don’t get about superhero movies is this:  Why does Hollywood feel it necessary to tell origin stories?  I don’t get it.  I know that not everyone’s knowledge of superhero lore is as deep and thorough as mine (it’s not like I spent most of my 30’s in my parent’s basement reading comic books, either.  Cause I didn’t.  I was busy raising kids.), but WTF?!?!  Did it matter an iota to you gals where Leonardo daVinci’s Dicaprio’s character came from in Titanic?  Of course not!  Just that the cat was good looking and pretended he cared about the broad girl.  Why does the starting point of these superhero movies have to always be when the hero got the power?  It’s stupid.  Even if you don’t know the first thing about Green Lantern, you’re not an idiot (I’m taking liberties here in my assumptions, I know).  I’m sure you’re bright enough to figure out this guy flying around in a tight green suit with a mask and ring on is not quite like the rest of us, amiright?!?!?  Just tell the story!!!
Not only is GREEN LANTERN guilty of telling yet another origin story, they told too much of it too fast.  Look, I’m pretty forgiving.  Show me a good time, and I’ll look past most of your flaws.  But there wasn’t even a good time in GREEN LANTERN.  Hal Jordan is supposed to “grow” in the film.  The moviemakers really didn’t show any growth is the character.  I really didn’t care an iota about him.  It wasn’t Ryan Reynolds fault, either.  He definitely was the right guy for the job.  Just too much story, too quick.
And the mask was real stupid looking, too.
It just looks dumb.
Blah, blah, blah.  Whatever.  Movies just suck anymore…
Editor’s note:  I wrote all of this before seeing the AVENGERS.  AVENGERS’ is everything a comic book/summer movie should be.  No, it’s not going to win any best actor awards or anything of the sort.  But, like I said…show me a good time, and I’ll totally ignore the lipstick on your teeth.
Kiss me big boy!
The AVENGERS showed me a real nice time.
And, yes, the AVENGERS’ is a Marvel property.  And, yes, Marvel still sucks.


  1. ah-ha-ha… as a fellow DC fan, I have to tell you this cracked me right-the-fuck-up! And your crossed out Linkin Park lyrics? BRILLIANT! This is probably my fav post by you thus far, & I’m still a couple weeks behind, so what that tells me is, I’ve got a lot of funny head. Thanks for that! I was just starting to get depressed, but you just saved my life! 🙂

    PS – You’re right – Green Lantern sucked balls.

    • you know…since the Avengers, i’ve been really re-thinking this whole DC fan thing. nah…marvel still sucks. 🙂

      it’s really a “shame” cause WB has all the characters in-house. no way the Avengers should’ve come out first. they really dropped the ball on that.

      meh…whatever. i’ll just go see the Avengers again. and watch iron man, cap, thor again, too. marvel still sucks, thou. 🙂

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